Dont have to read. Just dumb feelings and thoughts. Serious.

hey all... well to those that read my blog... here i am... doing nothing at this late hour... while its raining... blogging... blogging nothing about anything else but what i feel... i dont see a good reason why a reader should continue reading this cuz its just plain out no sense... but this is all i got now... its late ive got nobody to msg... nobody's there or maybe nobody's bothered cuz they are just so worked out about their life... so what the heck...

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Yea this may sound freaky but... i learnt something after spending all of my time listening to every word that came out of the show ' Gossip Girl ' ( hey cmon i know its like a girl's show but what the heck im dead free ).... i know the show is rather bad i guess? Cuz of all the backstabbing the lies and so on... but izznt this life? One day or another im going to experience stuff... plus some stuff just might have happened already and im kinda thinking bout it... so what ive learnt 1st? i know lots of shows have said this already but be who you FREAKING ARE ! here's the sense if you so happen want to be like that person so much... why is it so difficult for you to be like that person? the answer cuz everyone's different... being different is good and bad.... i dont wanna go there yet... ok i admit i really really admit... i did stuff just so i could fit in... dont ask me what dont ask me who but i did stuff... now im kinda regretting... im asking myself why and for what? i dont think its doing any good to me tho... so im trying just trying to change to find more of the real me i guess... as a start... i love music and im not regretting it... i just wanna find more of that... and i really gotta throw away habits i picked along... thats where my friends come in... there's once where i was being too loud? and 4 of us were in a small car... and for her being a shy girl i kinda am thankful and was really shy at that moment... she shouted like hey ! can you just not shout ! we are in a small car ! we can hear you !.... so i was like speechless... its was rather funny tho... but here's one thing... its really really easy for someone to change just to fit in... and that change might destory you... as in seriously destory your whole life... so get friends get lots of them... if they have bad habits or something you dont like... dont avoid them cuz you'll never know when you gonna need that person... plus dont over-use your friends its not a good feeling to feel being use... been there... hmm... what else... ohyea... i want to thank my friends? for being there... i know sometimes they cant be, they have something more important or just is not available... or maybe shit happened to them or they just got really fed up of life... well's here something i would say.... by the way its my 1st time saying this... advice your friend or whoever who's really down... say go out... go to the place where you will always be positive always happy and never think of stuff thats happening... im not saying that you run away from problems... im saying you should go fix it with a clear mind... get tensed up wit the problem and you just might screw up more... so i think imma gonna stop... i just wanna take time out... and maybe call some friends... talk to them instead of msg... well thats all for today i guess.... untill then... ill just think of life.... ( should i do this? fine... just for fun ) xoxo? Valor... no need for comments i guess...

Mis-Understandin...

Err.... the people im mentioning about the outting to mid valley... Izznt Joanne and Yuli... Told them alreadyy... but they dont seem to believe me... Well... itz somebody else okay? Not from Radiant Life Assembly... So please dont say the wrong stuff... I dont really like mix-ups...

Upsets In Life...

finally? i came to blog? hmmm.... to be honest... i just come to blog just to throw out my feelings i guess? since nobody ever comes to read it... ppl just come , post something at my cbox which is so cacat... then ciao... so bloggin is the only place i feel good enough throwing things out... i dont feel right telling these to my friends... might become a nagger to them... aihhhhh

why must parents be parents? my dad keep on saying... Ruben be a grown boy la... dont just look mature but think still like a child you want ppl to repect you right... then few days later he come complaining to me bout his job or my mom... i cant really say anything... plus whenever he's giving advice... or just saying anything for that matter... he'll sure end up talking in a very angry tone as though as im the one wrong... then when i speak back... he say... eh you got no respect for me ah... your now trying to defend yourself and not admit that your wrong okay... dont think your a know it all... this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME ...! IM SO F**KING SICK OF IT... im forced to be a block of wood saying yes yes yes and agree-ing to no matter what my parents complain to me about... how's that nice !

then there's this one day... i wanted to go out with my friends... since i tak dapat tengok muke dia dah lama... could have been nice to just see her and her friends again rite? so i asked my mom... can i follow or not... she say... No cannot... stay at home study... dont kacau ppl fetch you here and there... then i pulak senyap... dont want to make so much noise till my dad gets involve so... tak pe la... since i figured out they goin mid valley last minute... or plus maybe i dont know them that well? they just want to spend a girl's day out or something or they dont want me around...? AH tak tau larh... so i leave it... then i wanted to go to sunday youth that same day... asked my mom... mom said no lahhhh dont go la... stay at home study... just one more month only what.... so okay fine... pmr... study lorr..... aihhhhh then around 4pm... my friend from aus i think... called me... asked me to go jusco.... then now i try ask my dad... dad say no lah im tired and you better dont waste your time la go study better.... then im like... wehhh he come down from aus larrr... then my dad goes like... YOU WANT GO IZZIT OK GO... LET GO... I DONT CARE WHAT HAPPEN... YOU WANNA GO SO BADLY RITE GO AND DONT COME BACK.... so i didnt go... called my friend say i not free...

i know lar... there's nice ppl there i kenal... but i dont really feel rite telling them all these... no point also... another thing... dont know how many ppl notice this but i seem to mix a lot with ppl older than me... like 17 ke 18 ke 19 or 20+.... really really weird... so i pulak like them... take lots of interest in them... but i guess it doesnt show? i feel they treat me as a 15 yr old just cuz my parents still have rules... and they'll get really mad and make the nicest outting days turn into the regrettin that i go out days... they say they wanna treat me like and adult... thats soooo much bull...
and also... these days ive been really trying to fit in with ppl... i dont think thats working out rite... so might as well stick to the same friends?... ISHHH dont know lar ! i want to mix around but im just not fitting in...? ohyeaaa..... to anyone around my age or feels the need to keluar with friends rite... when they say " Next time we ajak you go out with us again okay? " Trust me ppl ! it will never ever happen... till a very long time... then it baru happens... the thing is... is either they just wanna spend time together , dont want you/me around , or they memang not free cuz your life izznt the same as theirs.... when they are free your busy studying... when you are free... they got exams.... so all we/I can do is just wait... wait very very patiently till it comes again... by then... i dont know what to do then to live in music.... well errr if anyone does read this or anything... post either in the comments or cbox lar... thx... ( PS just letting go how irritated i feel thats all )

C-L-I-C-K-ing with people !!!

elowz all~ im just figuring out... how other people just can have sooooo good friends in a snap of a finger... im like super amazed by it... cuz i dont have a lot of close friends though... sad eh? whats wrong with me ! TELL ME ! someone ~ ! Aihz... or is there a list of things to do to have a good friend... AH ! just tell me !!! * help? * =(

ImPacT-eD By Jolene.... O.o

Wao.... Just read Jo's blog... kinda like 1am + here... nothing much to do... and she talks about her good friends... She's got all kinds of ' necklace '... Aihz... i just dont know... suddenly after reading what Jo had to say... It just kinda stopped the time in my world... and all that was going through my mind was good friends... Well... i have 2 good friends in school... Guys of course... One joker... and the other more to the sensitive part... Well... as it goes for the joker... When he got problem... he cari me... Vice versa... The sensitive one leh... teach me to be softer in speech and actions... Well these 2 dah big impact on me... Joining church... Hmmm i wouldnt regret thought... Meet some cool people... and people which can rock... such as patrick , chai xiong , sam , anderson , jo , jason. Ahhh those guys... Hard to catch up with them since there's an invisible gap which i dont even know how it was formed... So all i mix with is just with some of them... Though you see me talking with everyone.. Well i dont quite click with everyone i talk too... One of them which i felt attached to is my GAY SIFU~ Yew Jin~ LOL... Aihz... but he went off... at least i still got some crazy people like Patrick and pinq.... I just dont know how much people value me... I dont mind people telling me straight " Ruben, your just a friend to me " or " Ruben , you dont mean much to me ". I really wont act much... unless i spent lots of time with you already... then just give me some time and lots of songs... I'll get over it... Hmm... So daily i need music... i dont care where or when or what ever the consiquences are... i need music ! Ok ok back to friends... So far i have one small gang... In school... everyone is ganged with their same form... Form 4's all in one gang same goes to any other forms... You guys think that im a noisy guy... if you try asking my peers " why often does Ruben talk to you? " answers will come back not very often / once in awhile / when he needs me or it would be he comes to kacau a little bit only. i bet you... hmm... having friends means getting influenced and influencing... Mixing too much will end up to become like Jo... able to fit in most people... thats something not a lot of people have... and i sometimes envy it... Argh ! Friends to me are like parts of me... i dont know if other people feel the same too but ill sort of change depending on who im out with... kinda weird eh? Some people think im weird... thinking about that to myself... it maybe is just the different way i think... i dont seem to think the same with people... weird I KNOW... oh man how do i continue when im listening to avril lavigne - i miss you... if one friend breaks off from me... i really dont know what ill do... i may go crazy ! just because of one feller...

ok la... i really cant go on... just feel so empty after pouring out... ok.. ill blog some other time... ( Thx Jo~ )


Take care guys~

EXCITMENT !

Finally getting to meet someone... WOO ! ( secret )

Awh... So Empty....

Rawr ! I tried everything... Yet feel so empty... Someone ! Help me ! Anywayz... I need new songs or beats ! Send to me please ~!! Well... Im in the studying mood... SoooOoOo... Ill blog more later~ =] Cya ...! I NEED HER !!! =(

New Day Old Style... THIS CANT BE !

School ! AHH ! School~~
Some good stuff some bad memories~
Some came back and some just left out in the darkness
Met new people and met crazy people
Ive been going through many emotions even its just the 1st month~
Personally... Its been going fine~ I'll just see how CNY goes...
Haih ! Got problems coming from everywhere ! I feel like... like... ( censored )
Oh well... I'll post again some other time... =D

WoW ! Amazing !

To All Or Any Pianist ! READ IT ! ( if you can ) THEN PLAY IT ! I Wanna Hear !

OH NO !!!

DARN ! Those days pasted soooo quick =(
At least i kinda enjoyed myself this holiday rather then just staying at home playing games...
TODAY IS MY LAST DAY !!! So sad... I wish i could extend it... Oh well... Life Goes On !

ITS THE NEW YEAR !!!

Lots of things to do~ Lots of things to give up~ Well some of us may have experienced giving up things.. But this is gonna be my 1st giving up sooo many things... Well thats all for now.. I'll blog more when im free =D